MORTUARY

MORTUARY
By M. Jarvis

MORTUARY is the latest horror entrée from the people who brought you the well received remake of THE TOOLBOX MURDERS in 2004. Producer Tony Didio, director Tobe Hooper and writers Adam Gierasch and Jace Anderson this time turn their attention to a haunted mortuary which has just gotten a new family to move into it. Denise Crosby is a mortician who for some reason believes the new start she needs is to move into a rundown mortuary next to a graveyard. It isn’t long before bad things start to happen.

While Hooper and crew managed to pull off a minor miracle with the TOOLBOX remake, this time they stumble badly. The film plays like one of those bad made for the SCI-FI Channel pieces of shit. Much of the plot and a lot of the tricks seemed borrowed or derived from other Tobe Hooper films like the underground chambers with weird lights, the sympathetic Leatherface-esque monster guy, etc. etc. Writer Anderson and Gierasch unwisely choose to go the 80’s cheesy horror route character-wise with brutal results. Worse, they even throw in something out of that horrible movie PHANTOMS with the mysterious underground evil goop.

Though I saw this only a couple of days ago, I barely remember it except that it sucked. I could think of more intelligent ways to say that but this movie’s not worth the trouble.

I sincerely hope that in the future, and according to IMDB these people have a lot of projects going on, that the people involved in this worthless outing remember what they did when they were making TOOLBOX, so that maybe they won’t repeat mistakes like this.