ROOM 6

ROOM 6
By M. Jarvis

CFQ Films strikes again with ROOM 6, a tale of a young car crash victim’s trip to a nightmarish hospital in search of her missing boyfriend. Amy, played by Christine Taylor of DODGEBALL and ZOOLANDER fame and her boyfriend/would-be fiancé are in a car crash. They both survive but Nick (Shane Brolley) having sustained some form of injury, is taken away in an ambulance. When Amy tries to find out what hospital he was taken to, she discovers that he has disappeared.

Increasingly desperate to find Nick, she teams up with the other driver in the accident, Lucas, whose passenger is also missing. Lucas, played by Jerry O’Connell, of late from NBC’s laffer would be thriller show CROSSING JORDAN, at first seems helpful but soon reveals a more sinister side. Ultimately, the trail leads to a hospital which supposedly no longer exists; St. Rosemary’s. As Amy gets closer and closer to the truth, she is confronted by strange demons as well as inner demons which sprung from a terrible secret she carries about her past.

Like the last thing I saw from CFQ films, ALL SOULS DAY, this film suffers from being overly ambitious plot-wise while at the same time being not great acting and dialogue-wise. I get the feeling that everyone was so excited by the concept, that they were blind to all the clichés that were unfolding. When a priest walks up, you just know he’s going to call Amy “my child”…and he does. This despite the fact that he looks to be about the same age.

The direction and look of the film was lackluster. I understand that the budgets are low but that’s when you are supposed to rise to the occasion. Michael Hurst doesn’t rise very much. Even a lesbian blood orgy is boring and unconvincing…I mean, you have hot naked chicks…how do you screw that up? Christine Taylor isn’t exactly Katherine Hepburn but what chance does she have with all this hokey melodrama. Jerry O’Connell doesn’t fare much better. I’m surprised he’s even in this film. I guess he’d do anything to get away from that ridiculous CROSSING JORDAN nonsense. If there had been some sort of more dynamic direction and photography, maybe the actors would have stood more of a chance. And when you add an overloaded plot which features angels and demons and magical cab drivers, it’s amazing the actors could get through this with a straight face at all.

On the positive side, there are some cool make-up designs for the demons and some people in demon mode. I liked the cop with no eyes and Kane Hodder’s demon hobo was pretty cool. At least the make-up crew brought its game with them.

Really, I think my biggest problem is not that ROOM 6 doesn’t work for me. It’s that it comes from people who should know how to avoid the things that suck in this genre. I mean, Mark Altman has been watching and analyzing genre shit forever. Is he just so blinded by the thrill of making films that he can’t see that they’re lackluster? You wouldn’t know from the self-congratulatory “Making Of…” where before anyone opens their mouth you know they’re going to sprout clichés like “we had such a great cast and crew...blah, blah, blah.” I wonder if Mark even watches films anymore. Does he just watch the DVDs? He certainly knows how to do the BTS shtick. Funnier still, the crew talks with a sense of drama about how challenging it was to stage a car crash…like they were parting the red sea or something. It’s just ridiculous. Mark just looks happier than shit though. Maybe talking like on expert on camera is the best part for him, I don’t know.

While I am talking a lot of shit in this review about ROOM 6, I still haven’t given up on Mark Altman and CFQ Films. I’m still rooting for them to make the cool films I know they are smart enough to make. They have the enthusiasm and they have good ideas. They do need to upgrade the writing and the directing though or they’re just going to be putting out straight to DVD cheese forever. However, if that’s what they are happy doing, then fine. But spare me the “making of docs” where they talk like they’re making GONE WITH THE WIND or something.

There are lots more films on the horizon for CFQ and IDT Films. Here’s hoping they recover from this misstep and come up with something as good as I know they can. They know better damn it. So come on CFQ Films! Bring it!