FEAST

FEAST
By Aine

When I heard there would be a third season of Project Greenlight, I didn’t care. I wasn’t impressed by the first two and didn’t want something else that I’d have to try to remember to watch. That all changed once I found out it was a horror film. I heard Wes Craven’s name and I came running; or sitting actually, right on the couch. I was even more thrilled to see the familiar face of writer/producer/everyman Joel Soisson (a genre fave of mine) and a few others.

The beginning of the season is really all a blur to me, I remember the interviews, but I can’t remember any of the process leading up to choosing the script. I liked the enthusiasm of the writing team for Feast, plus I just found them adorable. I will admit (I am SO sorry John) that when John Gulager was chosen to direct I yelled at the TV in a fashion similar to when my favorite team loses an important game. I thought he was completely the wrong choice for the job; thankfully Matt Damon is wiser than he seems.

I spent the rest of the season anxiously awaiting each new episode, wondering, like the rest of the world; if anything else could possible go wrong. But then I remembered the rules, that no matter how bad it seems, almost all films being made go through the same problems, we just don’t get to see it. By the end I was converted: a big supporter of John, and happy to see friend Duane Whitaker hamming it up as “Boss Man.”

When the end of the season came I was sad to see it go, and concerned that I would never get to see Feast. I’m still not sure of an official release due to the studio politics and changes going on, but I hope they will try hard to push this film and get it the run in theatres it so greatly deserves. This I know because a miracle came, and that miracle was the last minute addition of a Feast screening to take place at this year’s Screamfest L.A., a Los Angeles horror-themed film festival. See the article on Screamfest for this year, as well as the one from 2003 that I did, which was coincidentally my first meeting with Project Greenlight and Feast producer, Joel Soisson.

My faithful companion Larra, and I, waited in line for a small eternity, stuck behind a guy who smelled like pee and some other group of people who smelled like armpits and mothballs. Just when I thought I could stand it no more they finally started letting us in, we ran with childhood glee to get good/comfy seats, okay we didn’t run, but we walked really fast. After a brief introduction, the hard work of waiting was finally over.

Feast began with a bang, a big bang and while I know logically that my excitement was just a product of too much building anticipation, I can’t help but feel like this movie was really getting me going within the first few seconds. We’re introduced to each character individually with a little stat display at the bottom of the screen: something that seems cheesy but actually worked VERY well.

Some desperate losers of varying life circumstances are holed up in a bar in the middle of nowhere, kind of like Tremors actually. A mother/waitress has “meetings” with Boss Man for money, and during these “meetings” she has her son put on earphones so he doesn’t hear them. Once again, yay Duane Whitaker as Boss Man, though it’s puzzling to see him constantly play a scumbag when he’s so darn likeable in person.

Characters of note are the always amusing Henry Rollins as a slimy motivational speaker, and the great Clu Gulager, star of Return of the Living Dead and father of John Gulager, the director of Feast. Also of note is Balthazar Getty all grown up and not too bad, Gulager’s significant other, Diane as Tuffy, and Navi, the heroine. There are others, and sadly, I can’t remember their names, which is not to say they are insignificant, I am just bad with names.

Everyone is going about their regular business in the bar, when a blood-soaked man, a.k.a. “The Hero” walks in and starts shouting orders and demanding that they lock down the bar for fear of a mysterious threat outside. Sadly, within minutes if not seconds, he is beheaded by an unseen monster that reaches through a window. I don’t know when people will learn that you should always stay away from the windows when there are monsters outside. Shortly after the hero’s beheading, his wife comes in to be the new hero, after wrestling the wedding ring from her husband’s hand, the rest of his dead body is yanked out of the window to, presumably, be eaten.

The monster mayhem goes pretty fast from here on, there’s a big shoot-out, Boss Man gets shot in the foot, and “Tuffy” gets shot, well, a lot, and appears to be dead. There is a lot of great screaming and blood splattering all over the place. I’m not going to get into a play by play because I don’t want to steal the pure joy horror fans are going to feel watching this movie. It warms my little horror heart, and seeing it with an audience of my peers was an exhilarating experience; screaming and laughing in unison as the gore and carnage ensued on screen.

I will say that things get pretty bad, not many survive, but you’ll often wonder throughout the film which ones are going to make it, and there are definitely some surprises, even with the constant status updates at the bottom of the screen. And finally, an ending that isn’t weak and lame, like so much of the horror slop I’ve been bombarded with in recent years.

I really can’t say enough nice things about this movie, I can’t wait to see it again and again…and again….you get the point. Please write about Feast, spread the word, do what you can to it into theatres where it belongs. If you don’t, you might be eaten.