BLOODRAYNE

BLOODRAYNE
By Larra

Rayne is a confused vampire who only kills vampires…… No, wait, she is the bastard-child of a human and a vampire, which makes her ½ human & ½ vampire…….. No, she is a Dhampir circus-freak warrior who becomes queen of the vampires by absorbing the rib, heart and eye of a mighty vampire legend……. Got that?

The above is basically the gist of how this mass of ‘poo’ plays out on the screen. This movie, if you can call it that, as well as the plot, go all-over-the-place. People flipping around doing half-assed gymnastics, wearing terrible wigs, having a semi-accent every so-often and speaking terrible dialogue -- a movie this does not make! Not to mention that just because you have characters with names like Vladimir & Sebastian and you do your filming in Romania it doesn’t mean that you are going to have a great vampire movie. I want to rant on-and-on, but what would be the point?

Udo Kier, Meat Loaf Aday, Billy Zane, Michelle Rodriguez, Michael Madsen and especially (Sir) Ben Kingsley should bow their heads in shame for partaking on this career-killer of a film. I shall never look at them the same way again.